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Our favorite sex position, just in time for Valentine’s Day: the Lazy Scissor

Updated: Feb 3, 2023

Let's talk lazy sex. Because, while PM and I like to get creative and kinky, we're also both big fans of low-e, right-before-sleep P-in-the-V. And over the last 6 months or so we've added a new position to our sexy repertoire. And it’s mighty fine. *fans self* In fact, this is both my and PM’s new favorite sexual position, alongside the good ol’ Prone Bone.

This slow grind has comfort in mind and has become our go-to for not only our late-night, slightly sleepy encounters but also those lazy mornings when we’re feeling a little frisky but we’re still not totally awake.

How is it that we've been sleeping together for decades and we've only just recently discovered this lovely, low energy, ticks-most-if-not-all-my-boxes position? I don't really know. But it's a sensual, steamy ride that's  friggin' amazing, and I'm going share it with you. And even if you get nothing out of our experience, on the bright side, I made a weird video to demonstrate this week's topic. (You're welcome, in advance, by the way.)

Because, of course, I’m assuming that everyone is as lazy as I am when it comes to gettin’ it on. *cringes* I mean, I’m not lazy all the time… Okay, maybe a lot of the time. But this mama is doing all the things, all the time, and I get bloody tired. *shrugs*

As much as I make it a point of being my authentic self in the bedroom — refusing to put on a show or feign pleasure — there are many days where I do feel pressure to be some sort of sex goddess, the woman who does all the sex things. A sort of wildcat in the sheets. To be the woman that does all the things that my partner likes, a woman with whom men would give their right arm to have sex.

To be clear, this idea that I struggle with of what I should be in bed does not come from any expectations that PM has ever put on me. The truth is that from an early age, vulva-owners and penis-havers alike are immersed in twisted and unrealistic views of sex, sexuality, and pleasure and what constitutes normal sexual relationships. These misconceptions come from the culture in which we live and they inform the frameworks we construct for what we believe sex should look like. This form of sex miseducation comes in the form of television shows, movies, and social media. But, of course, the biggest source of sex misinformation comes from the world of pornography.

So many people glean their ideas about sex in this country from porn, with its unrealistic, and typically misogynistic portrayals of sex. And penis-havers aren't the only ones taking their cues from porn. We vulva-owners are not immune from the myths porn propagates.

Then heap on top of that shit show the Draconian approaches to sex coming from conservative, puritanical religious groups -- teachings that many of us experienced in our formative years -- and what you’ve got is a hot mess of sexual dysfunction. It’s a wonder that anyone is able to form healthy sexual relationships when you think about all the misinformation and shame and guilt being fed to us from before we ever even begin exploring our sexuality.

As a brief aside, I do sometimes worry that my essays have misrepresented the realities of my sex life. That I'm somehow contributing to our culture’s skewed view of what is normal or desirable in the sexual behaviors of cishet women (and more generally, of married partners) and that I may have inadvertently sent the message that this, what PM and I have together, is the right or best way to have a passionate marriage.

I’ve tried to be transparent and real here, about the smokin’ hot good as well as the not so great stuff. The miscommunications, hurt feelings, and frustrations. All the things that come with long-term commitment, really. And what I've only ever-wanted was to share our sexual journey as a married couple in the hopes that our story might ring true for some, that my thoughts and feelings might possibly serve to validate similar thoughts and feelings that others may also be having. And while I don't know if I've ever said it explicitly, what PM and I have exists as just one example in a spectrum of what sex in a long-term relationship might look like.

That being said, while PM and I seem to have found a new passionate normal, it’s not always a passion that’s a high-energy conflagration. Sometimes it’s sweet and sensual. Sometimes it’s slow and lazy. Sometimes it's meh.

But I personally like lazy. Like, I really like lazy. I like comfortable. I like relaxed. I like not having to hold up myself up so that I can just melt into the sensations. I like having a hand free (both hands even better!) to play with myself and help see me to that finish line. I also like standing up afterwards without experiencing a stiff or sore lower back, neck, or hips. I know. I know. I want it all!

And while sometimes I feel like I should be some sort of sex maniac with endless energy and flexibility and with thighs that must be majorly ripped because I’m riding that D like I’m as light as a feather, there are other times when I feel the exact opposite. That I deserve to lie there and be worshipped like a goddess. And a goddess should not have to feel like her legs are about to give out on her, nor should she have to have her face pressed into the mattress. Unless she wants to. *smirks and winks*

What more, while every sex article on the internet says that the easiest penetrative position for a vulva-haver to climax is the Cowgirl, the truth is that I very rarely come when I’m on top. *cringes and shrugs*

Has it ever happened in our over-two-decades together? Sure. But whether it’s psychological — even after more than two decades together, I still struggle with self-consciousness in being on full display for my partner — or if it’s a matter of muscle tension and fatigue that derails my mojo, or if it’s a lack of coordination on my part to get the clit stimulation I need in that position, the Cowgirl has never been my friend. (I’ve had better luck with the Reverse Cowgirl, but that’s a topic for another time perhaps.) But I digress…

Back to what I’m calling the "Lazy Scissor." And I’m happy to say that all the things that I just said I like — being comfy, lazy, and relaxed, with my hands free and my body-weight fully supported — I find in the Lazy Scissor.

And, no! Scissoring positions are not just for sex between two vulva-havers. I mean, that’s what I had always thought of when I heard the term “scissoring” in the past. But PM and I have discovered that you can combine the amazing pelvic grind of the scissor — think grinding that pubis mons and clit on the pelvis and thigh of your penis-owner — with slow, deep penetration.

But there’s more! Not only does this position combine these two lovely sensations — deep thrusts with rhythmic clit stimulation — it also allows both partners to be hands-free and puts many of the vulva-owner’s erogenous zones in easy reach for both themselves and their partner. Trust me folks! It’s all the things a vulva-haver wants…

The basics of this Lazy Scissor sitch has the penis-owner on his side and the vulva-haver on their back with their legs scissored over their partner’s top leg, with the penis entering from behind, sort of. One of my legs rests on PM’s hip and my other leg sits on his bottom leg.

Another way to describe it is to imagine a modified Reverse Cowgirl where the vulva-owner takes one leg and moves it to between their partners legs, so the vulva-haver is still riding the peen (and still more or less facing their partner’s feet) but now they’re straddling one of their partner’s thighs at the same time.

Got that mental picture? Now take that position and flip it on its side so that the penis-haver is lying on his side (PM likes a pillow under his head for greater comfort) and the vulva-owner is now on their back, with their hips slightly tilted toward their partners feet.

Once we get going, I can curl the leg that’s resting on top of his bottom leg and hook it under his leg, which gives me some leverage to move. I can also bend my legs and pull one or both up toward my chest. I like taking the foot of my top-lying leg and anchoring it on PM’s hipbone, so I can really grind that thang.

There are so many pluses to this position, apart from the fact that both partners are comfortably supported by the mattress.  I have total control over the depth and angle of penetration by changing the orientation of my pelvis. If I keep my pelvis relatively flat on the bed, I can get a really good grind of my clit on his inner thigh. If I lift a hip off the bed to be more lined up with the thigh that I’m scissoring, I get a whole different set of sensations and friction along with deeper penetration. So the vulva-owner has a lot of control here, much like the Cowgirl positions, but they don’t have to deal with gravity causing muscle fatigue.

And as I mentioned already, not only do I have excellent access to own erogenous zones — think nipples, clit, ass, inner thighs, wherever I want to roam — but PM does, too. With his arm that’s resting on the mattress slipped under my shoulders to provide an anchor for his hip movements, his arm that’s on top can easily reach my breasts, thighs, and hips. When I rest my foot on his hip, it provides the space he needs to reach his arm up under my leg and get his fingers on my clit and vulva. It’s friggin’ heaven. *squirms*

PM also likes the fact that he can see me. We both love the Prone Bone, but with my face and front of my torso resting on the mattress, there’s no eye-contact…and no titty-show (never mind no titty-access). So in PM’s book that’s a definite pro for the Lazy Scissor. And I don’t mind it too much either. *smirks*

I considered a couple of different ways of presenting our Lazy Scissor visually to help give you a better sense of the logistics. In the end, I put together this short video clip. (Oh and please forgive my worn nail polish! 😳 I’m horribly embarrassed, but it’s been a long week and I was in a hurry to get this post published.)

So there it is folks. What we’re calling the Lazy Scissor. I have no doubt other persons have used this position in the past, so I don't mean to claim we invented it or anything, but I have yet to come across it. But if you are reading this and you're already familiar with this position (extra credit if you know if there’s another name for it), please do comment on this post and let me know!

And if you decide to try the Lazy Scissor, drop me a comment or shoot me note and let me know what you and partner think! As with most things, it is what you make of it, so get into the basic Lazy Scissor form, and then experiment (and communicate and laugh and don't take yourselves too seriously) to find what works best for you!

Until next time, stay kinky 😉

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